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Okay. So, yesterday, just after I had bitched to Mandy about being bored and signed off, Betsey asked if I wanted to go downtown to what we call the Old Port, which is basically an area of Portland with a bunch of little shops and such. Naturally, I jumped on the chance.
She had to stop at her parents' office and get some money, since she was shopping for supplies for a family project. Her dad is an ad exec, which means we got to be a focus group for a few minutes and evaluate some ads. So, should you see some ads advocating eating five servings of fruit a day with the slogan, "Eat your colours every day," you know where they came from.
Then, we went to Casablanca, which is yay! Sadly, they didn't have volume two of Ultimate Spider-Man (nobody has it - I'm starting to think it doesn't exist - what did they do, skip from one to three?), but they did have the newest issue of Spider-Man and the Black Cat, which Kevin Smith is writing, plus the newest Animerica Extra, so I was happy. Betsey bought about a million books, and then we left.
We went to the Portland Public Market, which is a big place full of various food stands. I had a total mental breakdown wherein I somehow managed to order iced tea when what I wanted was iced coffee. The tea was good, but it wasn't coffee, so I tried again. The coffee was awesome. I had way too much sushi, Betsey had Japanese soup, and then we went off in search of what we had headed out to find in the first place - little tiny bells to string to a chair that Betsey and her mom are decorating. Eventually, we split up for a few minutes, mainly because Betsey wanted to check a place that was up a huge hill and I really, really didn't. So instead, I went to our local sex-stuff-and-silly-stuff store, Condom Sense. They have this huge display of buttons with wise-ass sayings, and I always try to buy at least one whenever I'm in the Old Port. The one I got this time says, "What The Fuck Happened To Proper English?", which is perfect for me as I am (how to put this?) psychotically anal about things like grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
We also went to a place called Videoport, a locally owned video store with a huge and eclectic collection. Here's the kind of place this store is: Along with the standard sections like "Drama," "Comedy," and "Foreign," it also has a section called "Incredibly Strange Movies." (Oddly, we found The Boondock Saints that category. It's an unusual movie, but it's not that weird.) Betsey rented a couple of movies while I made a tool of myself tryng to exit through the entry, which gets stuck if you try to go out through it. I'd only ever been there once before, okay?
One of the movies she rented was Batman: The Movie, made in 1966 and based on the Adam West/Burt Ward show. Hence the random-ass entry I made last night.
I . . . have nothing to say about this movie. What can you say about a movie that has scenes like this (this whole thing is a paraphrase, by the way):
Batman, reading off a riddle left for them by the Riddler: "'What has a yellow skin and writes?'"
Robin, as if it's the most obvious answer in the world: "A ballpoint banana!"
Batman, pretending that he knew the answer all along and was just trying to make Robin feel special (okay, that might just be me): "Exactly!" He then reads off the second riddle, which I can't remember right now, but the answer was "rushin' people." Out of this Robin gets:
Robin: " . . . Russian people!"
Batman: "That's right!"
Robin: "That means that - someone Russian is going to slip on a banana peel and break their neck!"
Batman: "Exactly! This is clearly a threat against Miss Kitka's (the Russian chick who is actually Catwoman in disguise) life!"
Clearly.
I couldn't make this shit up, people. I'm not nearly that good. And that's one of the tamer examples of the random-assed logic the Dynamic Duo employ. Needless to say, Betsey and I spent the entire movie either in hysterics or staring at each other in total confusion.
This movie transcends the term "bad." I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to rate it on the Affleckometer. You must, must, must see it.
In conclusion, my boredom has passed and I'm feeling much better today. Hope I run into Mandy on AIM sometime today so I can apologize for snapping at her.
She had to stop at her parents' office and get some money, since she was shopping for supplies for a family project. Her dad is an ad exec, which means we got to be a focus group for a few minutes and evaluate some ads. So, should you see some ads advocating eating five servings of fruit a day with the slogan, "Eat your colours every day," you know where they came from.
Then, we went to Casablanca, which is yay! Sadly, they didn't have volume two of Ultimate Spider-Man (nobody has it - I'm starting to think it doesn't exist - what did they do, skip from one to three?), but they did have the newest issue of Spider-Man and the Black Cat, which Kevin Smith is writing, plus the newest Animerica Extra, so I was happy. Betsey bought about a million books, and then we left.
We went to the Portland Public Market, which is a big place full of various food stands. I had a total mental breakdown wherein I somehow managed to order iced tea when what I wanted was iced coffee. The tea was good, but it wasn't coffee, so I tried again. The coffee was awesome. I had way too much sushi, Betsey had Japanese soup, and then we went off in search of what we had headed out to find in the first place - little tiny bells to string to a chair that Betsey and her mom are decorating. Eventually, we split up for a few minutes, mainly because Betsey wanted to check a place that was up a huge hill and I really, really didn't. So instead, I went to our local sex-stuff-and-silly-stuff store, Condom Sense. They have this huge display of buttons with wise-ass sayings, and I always try to buy at least one whenever I'm in the Old Port. The one I got this time says, "What The Fuck Happened To Proper English?", which is perfect for me as I am (how to put this?) psychotically anal about things like grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
We also went to a place called Videoport, a locally owned video store with a huge and eclectic collection. Here's the kind of place this store is: Along with the standard sections like "Drama," "Comedy," and "Foreign," it also has a section called "Incredibly Strange Movies." (Oddly, we found The Boondock Saints that category. It's an unusual movie, but it's not that weird.) Betsey rented a couple of movies while I made a tool of myself tryng to exit through the entry, which gets stuck if you try to go out through it. I'd only ever been there once before, okay?
One of the movies she rented was Batman: The Movie, made in 1966 and based on the Adam West/Burt Ward show. Hence the random-ass entry I made last night.
I . . . have nothing to say about this movie. What can you say about a movie that has scenes like this (this whole thing is a paraphrase, by the way):
Batman, reading off a riddle left for them by the Riddler: "'What has a yellow skin and writes?'"
Robin, as if it's the most obvious answer in the world: "A ballpoint banana!"
Batman, pretending that he knew the answer all along and was just trying to make Robin feel special (okay, that might just be me): "Exactly!" He then reads off the second riddle, which I can't remember right now, but the answer was "rushin' people." Out of this Robin gets:
Robin: " . . . Russian people!"
Batman: "That's right!"
Robin: "That means that - someone Russian is going to slip on a banana peel and break their neck!"
Batman: "Exactly! This is clearly a threat against Miss Kitka's (the Russian chick who is actually Catwoman in disguise) life!"
Clearly.
I couldn't make this shit up, people. I'm not nearly that good. And that's one of the tamer examples of the random-assed logic the Dynamic Duo employ. Needless to say, Betsey and I spent the entire movie either in hysterics or staring at each other in total confusion.
This movie transcends the term "bad." I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to rate it on the Affleckometer. You must, must, must see it.
In conclusion, my boredom has passed and I'm feeling much better today. Hope I run into Mandy on AIM sometime today so I can apologize for snapping at her.
