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JESUS FUCK OKAY YOU WILL ALL LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW.
The next person who declares that the next week of baseball is "the real test" for the Tigers is GOING TO FEEL THE BACK OF MY HAND.
Next four games: Series against the Yankees. HI THE YANKEES SUCK KTHX. Their outfield is, like, Johnny Damon and my mom, okay? Their starting rotation is basically Mike Mussina and four other guys who are fresh from the DL, eighty-seven years old, or both. The bullpen has a bunch of guys who suck and two guys Torre overuses, one of whom is having back problems (and gave up the win to the Royals the other night; thanks, Kyle, love ya!). Mariano Rivera continues to not be human, except that occasionally these days he is. Basically, the Yankees have their offense. This may be enough against, oh, the Royals, or certain Boston teams who forget about plating runs and we will get to that, but against a team with insane pitching and solid defense? Go away, Yankees. You are not a test.
The following three games: Against the Red Sox. Okay, they don't suck so much. They have a real outfield and an actual starting rotation, which includes Josh Beckett and Curt Schilling. Of course, they also have a bullpen that includes Rudy Seanez and Julian Tavarez. There is also Mike Timlin, so yay, but there is also Keith Foulke, who never really knows what he's gonna do on the mound from night to night. And the offense, while making an admirable show of it, can't completely carry their pitching and shouldn't always have to. Also, with the plating runs? Yeah. What have they left, like 712 men on base in the last couple of weeks? I will, however, take Jon Papelbon over Rollercoaster Jones any day.
Meanwhile, the Tigers starting rotation owns you all, the bullpen has been rock solid, and the offense has developed this intriguing habit of getting runs when they are needed. And when they are not needed. And even with Maroth on the DL and Leyland apparently undecided about who will be taking his start (I heard Colon, but then I heard not so much, so I don't know), I am unconcerned. We have some great pitching depth this year. Lots to choose from.
In conclusion, the teams' records to date:
Yankees: 28-20
Red Sox: 30-18
Tigers: 35-15
So bite me already. I do not want to hear about this test shit at all ever again plzkthx BYE.
Ahem. That rant has building up for the last week or so. In case you can't tell, the whole thing has really been pissing me off. The 2000 Yankees? That would be a test. The 2004 Red Sox? Final exam. The 2006 versions of same? Not so much. I don't make predictions, because I'm always wrong, but I think you can guess what I'm expecting.
And, yeah, I'll be the chick at the bar this weekend in the Tigers hat and Bonderman shirt. Sorry, Red Sox. Get your wins somewhere else.
The next person who declares that the next week of baseball is "the real test" for the Tigers is GOING TO FEEL THE BACK OF MY HAND.
Next four games: Series against the Yankees. HI THE YANKEES SUCK KTHX. Their outfield is, like, Johnny Damon and my mom, okay? Their starting rotation is basically Mike Mussina and four other guys who are fresh from the DL, eighty-seven years old, or both. The bullpen has a bunch of guys who suck and two guys Torre overuses, one of whom is having back problems (and gave up the win to the Royals the other night; thanks, Kyle, love ya!). Mariano Rivera continues to not be human, except that occasionally these days he is. Basically, the Yankees have their offense. This may be enough against, oh, the Royals, or certain Boston teams who forget about plating runs and we will get to that, but against a team with insane pitching and solid defense? Go away, Yankees. You are not a test.
The following three games: Against the Red Sox. Okay, they don't suck so much. They have a real outfield and an actual starting rotation, which includes Josh Beckett and Curt Schilling. Of course, they also have a bullpen that includes Rudy Seanez and Julian Tavarez. There is also Mike Timlin, so yay, but there is also Keith Foulke, who never really knows what he's gonna do on the mound from night to night. And the offense, while making an admirable show of it, can't completely carry their pitching and shouldn't always have to. Also, with the plating runs? Yeah. What have they left, like 712 men on base in the last couple of weeks? I will, however, take Jon Papelbon over Rollercoaster Jones any day.
Meanwhile, the Tigers starting rotation owns you all, the bullpen has been rock solid, and the offense has developed this intriguing habit of getting runs when they are needed. And when they are not needed. And even with Maroth on the DL and Leyland apparently undecided about who will be taking his start (I heard Colon, but then I heard not so much, so I don't know), I am unconcerned. We have some great pitching depth this year. Lots to choose from.
In conclusion, the teams' records to date:
Yankees: 28-20
Red Sox: 30-18
Tigers: 35-15
So bite me already. I do not want to hear about this test shit at all ever again plzkthx BYE.
Ahem. That rant has building up for the last week or so. In case you can't tell, the whole thing has really been pissing me off. The 2000 Yankees? That would be a test. The 2004 Red Sox? Final exam. The 2006 versions of same? Not so much. I don't make predictions, because I'm always wrong, but I think you can guess what I'm expecting.
And, yeah, I'll be the chick at the bar this weekend in the Tigers hat and Bonderman shirt. Sorry, Red Sox. Get your wins somewhere else.
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