(no subject)

[catslash]

Random AIM convo time!

beckla30: our pitching staff on the whole sucks.
beckla30: when they don't suck, someone on our team feels the need to suck and that's our offense.
beckla30: during every game something HAS to suck.
catslash: It's to keep the universe from imploding.
beckla30: too bad we need the universe to not implode and all. because having a good offense and pitching would be really really really nice.
catslash: Yeah, but not much good if the universe became the size of a coffee mug.
beckla30: damn rules of the universe.
catslash: Pesky-ass little things, aren't they?
beckla30: yeah really.
beckla30: who knew the universe was so important.
catslash: Stupid universe.
beckla30: nice of the tigers to be the ones who volunteered to hold the universe together, too
1catslash: Very sweet and selfless of them, really. What a tremendous burden. You can see how it weighs on them.
beckla30: Its probably why the forgot how to take a walk.
catslash: Oh, they know how to take walks. It's why they swing so violently - they know they must, but it chafes at them, so they add anger to each swing.
beckla30: maybe taking a walk means that the universe self destructs a tiny bit every time they do?
catslash: That could very well be. I bet they have a chart of the universe, and every Tiger who walks is forced to spend a long time looking at it and thinking about what he has done.
beckla30: Must be why Brandon strikes out so much.
catslash: Making up for the walking.
beckla30: I am surprised that Magglio and Shelty have not been punished... oh wait they have, minors and hernia.
catslash: Exactly. It all balances out in the end. See, Pudge never walks, so he has been blessed with . . . uh . . . with - the ability to fuck off to Colombia as he pleases.
beckla30: And like Dmitri? He doesn't walk either so he gets rewarded with 21 home runs.
catslash: Exactly!
beckla30: And obviously if the offense scores five or more runs, the pitching staff must ALSO give up five or more runs.
catslash: Obviously! It's all about balance.
beckla30: and see if the starters DON'T give up five runs, the bullpen makes sure they do.
catslash: Very obliging of them, really. See, we all think the bullpen sucks, when really they're just taking their responsibility for the safety of the universe very seriously. The Farns did not, so of course he had to be disposed of.
beckla30: DD is obviously the controller of the universe.
catslash: Well, that's just logic. If the Tigers' performance decides the fate of the universe, and DD controls the Tigers, then clearly he is God.
beckla30: who knew we were in the presence of god this whole damn time?!?
catslash: I am appropriately awed and humbled. So much so, in fact, that I temporarily forgot how to spell "appropriately."
beckla30: here I was thinking God was some awesome powerful being with a booming voice and all that, when really he was just some mousy looking dude.
catslash: God's sneaky like that.
beckla30: so if DD is God, what makes Alan Trammell?
catslash: The Metatron.
beckla30: Haha. What about Mike Ilitch our wonderful owner?
catslash: Shockingly? Lucifer. A pawn who thinks himself in control of his domain but in reality simply played right into God's hands.
beckla30: Ahahaha he totally is. Makes perfect sense.
catslash: Is what I'm saying.
beckla30: See cuz Ilitch has got this other universe he controls nicely...
catslash: Oh?
beckla30: he's the owner of the Detroit Red Wings as well. Pretty much the most dominant hockey team in the NHL since oh, 1993. The last time the tigers had a winning season.
catslash: Hmmm. Interesting.
beckla30: oh yes.

Comments

[kleenexwoman.livejournal.com]

Mike Ilitch also owns Little Caesar's Pizza, the former Renaissance Center, most of 8 Mile, two of the Big Three (but I'm not telling which ones), all of West Bloomfield, and Windsor.

[heckraiser87.livejournal.com]

Not to mention the soul of each and every Red Wings fan on the face of the planet.

[americanleaguer.livejournal.com]

Magnificent.

See, and this is why we love them. Because even when they're being frustrating, they are really ensuring our very survival. Bless you and your strikeouts, Brandon Inge. Bless you.

[beckla30.livejournal.com]

THAT is a creepy icon. Who knew you could make Brandon Inge look creepy? I certainly didn't. So much so that I have to combat that with a dorky Brandon icon.