Just a quick post to say: I'm okay. And thank you so much to everyone who replied to my post about my grandfather. I was surprised and touched by the compliments to my eloquence. I hadn't set out to write a eulogy; I was just writing things down as they came. I'm just glad they apparently came out well.
The memorial service was on Thursday. It was nice, family and friends. It wasn't overly formal, just friendly and sincere; the minister even told a joke relating to Grandpa's being a Red Sox fan. Grandpa was in the military, too, so there were a couple of soldiers (witness my total ignorance of military parlance!) there to perform a ceremony to honor him. They played Taps, which made me pretty much break down for a minute or two, and then folded a flag, with careful and solemn precision that Grandpa would have very much appreciated (I'm not especially patriotic, but thanks to Grandpa, I know how to treat a flag and it galls me to see one treated incorrectly), and presented it to Grandma. Then there was a gathering at Grandma's afterward.
And since then, work has eaten my brain. Tomorrow will be my fourth consecutive nine-hour shift, and then I have Tuesday off, thank god. I actually like this job - I work at an Italian sandwich shop - so it's not nine hours of hell or anything, it's just very tiring. And the walk home is mostly uphill. So I get home exhausted, RP some, and then I go to bed and of course have trouble falling asleep. I haven't had time to think of much else other than work.
Okay, and eerie: I am IMing with my aunt right now. The thing is, she's still at Grandma's, and Grandma is not computer savvy. Grandpa was the only one who went online, and they have AOL. So, yes, the first time I saw Grandpa's screenname pop up on my buddy list a couple days ago was very disconcerting. And it's upsetting to see it and know that it's not him and never will be again. I probably won't see it again after my aunt goes home, but I don't want it to go away either. I don't know.
So maybe I'm not as okay as I thought. I guess work eating my brain has been doing me a favor. But I'm dealing. It's the same thing everyone goes through when a loved one dies.
The memorial service was on Thursday. It was nice, family and friends. It wasn't overly formal, just friendly and sincere; the minister even told a joke relating to Grandpa's being a Red Sox fan. Grandpa was in the military, too, so there were a couple of soldiers (witness my total ignorance of military parlance!) there to perform a ceremony to honor him. They played Taps, which made me pretty much break down for a minute or two, and then folded a flag, with careful and solemn precision that Grandpa would have very much appreciated (I'm not especially patriotic, but thanks to Grandpa, I know how to treat a flag and it galls me to see one treated incorrectly), and presented it to Grandma. Then there was a gathering at Grandma's afterward.
And since then, work has eaten my brain. Tomorrow will be my fourth consecutive nine-hour shift, and then I have Tuesday off, thank god. I actually like this job - I work at an Italian sandwich shop - so it's not nine hours of hell or anything, it's just very tiring. And the walk home is mostly uphill. So I get home exhausted, RP some, and then I go to bed and of course have trouble falling asleep. I haven't had time to think of much else other than work.
Okay, and eerie: I am IMing with my aunt right now. The thing is, she's still at Grandma's, and Grandma is not computer savvy. Grandpa was the only one who went online, and they have AOL. So, yes, the first time I saw Grandpa's screenname pop up on my buddy list a couple days ago was very disconcerting. And it's upsetting to see it and know that it's not him and never will be again. I probably won't see it again after my aunt goes home, but I don't want it to go away either. I don't know.
So maybe I'm not as okay as I thought. I guess work eating my brain has been doing me a favor. But I'm dealing. It's the same thing everyone goes through when a loved one dies.
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