Random ficlet. And OMG, it's not slash!

[catslash]

I don't know what this is, or why, but it jumped on my head five minutes after I went to bed and I ended up having to get up to write it.

I'm not bothering with a header, since it would be longer than the ficlet, or even a title, since I want to go back to bed, but here, have a disclaimer: It's fiction. I'm not implying anything here about A-Rod's parenting skills, okay? I promise.


Alex knows by now that the idea of the parent/child post-birth bonding moment is kind of a myth. He knows that if, when you hold the baby and look into the little face for the first time, you feel only exhaustion, it doesn't mean you're going to be a bad parent. It isn't really the best moment to be meeting someone for the first time, after all.

But . . . isn't it supposed to happen eventually?

In the weeks and months between Natasha's birth and his departure for spring training, Alex tries. He holds Natasha, talks to her, lets her grab his finger and direct it to her mouth. A couple times he watches television with her, sort of, letting her sleep on his chest while he lies on the couch and keeps a hand on her back in case she chooses this moment to learn how to roll over.

He watches Cynthia with her, too. Cynthia has the hang of this whole parent thing. Which, at this stage, mostly means that she can quiet Natasha when she screams, but that's a valuable skill that Alex can't get the hang of. He doesn't even want to know how many times he's given up and passed Natasha along to her mother. Of course, she has the whole nine-months-pregnancy advantage. Plus, she decided months ago to breastfeed, so that's one thing Alex can't be part of. Probably Natasha just sees Cynthia as a giant milk machine, anyway, and has some baby instinct that tells her not to scare away the food source. He considers asking Cynthia to pump some milk into a bottle so he can try feeding Natasha himself, see if that helps things along, but he doesn't want to explain why.

All winter, he tries. And when Trot Nixon responds to Alex's off-handed remarks with sneering comments about Alex sending Natasha to school in a limo, it scares him and he tries harder for the few days he has left.

On the day he goes, he kisses Cynthia goodbye, then carefully kisses Natasha's forehead. He pauses to look into her eyes, still baby blue, and tries one more time. This, he tells himself, this, leaving his daughter for the first time, should be a moment of devastation. Before he leaves, he should already want to come back home.

So he waits for his heart to break. And still, nothing happens.


I can't decide whether the fact that I'm childfree makes my writing this ironic or just fitting.

Comments

[americanleaguer.livejournal.com]

Well, there's definitely some basic bit of humanity that he's missing, so this works for me ;)

Hooray for short drabbles that grab your brain and bang against your skull until you let them out!

[catslash.livejournal.com]

Seriously. I yawned all day today at work. Thanks heaps, princess. *g*

[ravensgurl211.livejournal.com]

LMAO. Excuse me while A-rod and I have a discussion.

You dumbass! Maybe if you weren't some sort of fucked up machine (and not the good sexual kind) you could actually form relationships with people! Espically little babies! Especially you're own! You had to supply the sperm (though, I've been to Florida and those pool boys *are* hot...) so you should feel SOMETHING!

You're secret arch-rival Derek can be very cold and cool and calm. But, that's when he's on the playing field. He can turn that on and off. Maybe if you weren't such a fuckhead, you could ask him for advice on how to do that too.

/ end crazy rant to your muse / the real man.

Digressing, heeeeee! I loved your portayal of A-Rod. And now, it is 1:30 am and I must go to a nice sleep of A-rod being runned over by said child's limo.

[catslash.livejournal.com]

. . . I can't decide whether to ask you if you've gone off your meds or recommend that you switch to decaf. I will be responsible for yelling at the voices in my head, thanks ever so. ;)

I'm - glad you liked it? Glad it provoked a response, anyway. =D

*cough*bythewaythepossessiveformisy-o-u-rnoty-o-u-'-r-e*cough*

[ravensgurl211.livejournal.com]

Bwahha, blame the fact that it was late night for both my insanity and my bad grammar. Usually I have one of my friends recheck my spelling and such, seeing as how English isn't my first language (I speak Jersey-ese). Anyway, yesh, it did provoke an insanely angry response. LMAO.

[catslash.livejournal.com]

Hee. It certainly did. Any ideas why? *is curious*

[ravensgurl211.livejournal.com]

Probably because, yes, I'm a Yankees fan. No, I'm not an A-Rod fan. Give me Chuck Knoblauch fucking up on second base any day of the week /angry yankee fan. Yes, anyway. And because I am not his fan, I know all of A-Rod's bad points. And I know them well. He's shallow, self-centered, slightly cold, stupid as all fuck, really slow and many other things. And you perfectly captured that in zee little snippet. So, it got me angry at him. LMMFAO. It doesn't have to make sense when it comes out of my mouth, lol.

[catslash.livejournal.com]

Hee. Gotcha.

I'd argue the "stupid" part, though - I think he's smart, but I also think his ego overrides his brain a lot. And when that happens, you end up thinking that slapping the ball from the pitcher's glove was pretty damn clever. I bet if he were just a regular guy, minus the fame and the ego, he'd be quite capable of using his intelligence.

[caruso.livejournal.com]

ah that's interesting. i like it. it's kind of sad, but also kind of numb . . .

[catslash.livejournal.com]

First, I like your icon. That's one of those pictures that's just lovely regardless of the subject (not that the subject exactly hurts it or anything *g*).

Second, thank you. That's what I was trying for - showing, not telling, the idea of Alex failing to connect with his daughter and beginning to panic, with maybe the tiniest hint that he'll start wanting to detach himself from the situation. Your reaction tells me that I landed somewhere in that general neighborhood.